Quotes L-R

Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.


Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.

Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.

Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.

Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.

Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.

Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.

Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.

My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

Necessity is the mother of taking chances.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.


Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

One of the most astonishing things that have yet fallen under our observation is the exceedingly small portion of the earth from which sprang the now flourishing plant of Christianity. The longest journey our Saviour ever performed was from here to Jerusalem - about one hundred to one hundred and twenty miles. The next longest was from here to Sidon - say about sixty or seventy miles. Instead of being wide apart - as American appreciation of distances would naturally suggest - the places made most particularly celebrated by the presence of Christ are nearly all right here in full view, and within cannon-shot of Capernaum. Leaving out two or three three short journeys of the Saviour, he spent his life, preached his gospel, and performed his miracles within a compass no larger than an ordinary county in the United States. It is as much as I can do to comprehend this stupefying fact. - The Innocents Abroad
Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we."

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.

Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.

Prosperity is the best protector of principle.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.